How many
times have you heard the proverb “Don’t judge a book by its cover”? Well, this
proverb will work for most people, or in fact almost everyone -- except for a
reclusive few. Though I do not know for sure if I can be considered as one of
those reclusive few, I do regard myself as one, or closer to this particular
group of people than most. Since young, I have always been a good little kid
that my mum wanted me to be, constantly studying, playing just a little and not
running about all the time. (Well there
was nothing much I can do to oppose her and the consequence is always painful,
so why choose to suffer the pain?) Anyway, I was always a more quiet type that
tends to keep just a few people around me and often choose to be silent and
just listen to what people have to say. In doing so, I often was just a guy on
the sidelines just looking and watching anything that is interesting enough to
catch my attention.
One day,
while I happened to be walking about to run an errant, I suddenly felt so
breathless and weak. I thought it was a side effect from getting chicken pox
and a fever but I was so winded that I can hardly move away. My mum carried me
to a family clinic where the doctor said that this was due to the chicken pox,
due to the fact that my immunity levels being quite low at that point of time,
and it brought about a troublesome side effect: childhood asthma. It was
actually quite a key point in my life as it made me turn away from all those
catching games that most people play, and got me into the world of books where
my wild imagination brought the fictional fantasies to life right in my head.
It was a
truly immersing and enjoyable process where the entirety of other people’s
imagination is being played out right in front of you, or rather me. Sometimes,
the words are so magical that it is actually comparable to watching a movie, or
like you are right there when things begin to happen all around you! And that,
was how I begin to just view all the events around me, for throughout my entire
primary school life I have always been targeted by bullies, seeing that I have
pretty much been alone, seeing that my friends are those that dares not fight
back. Pretty much my thoughts then was this policy that I constantly abide by,
to be an observer and never to involve myself so that I will never be in the
spotlight to be targeted, and yet be strong enough to strike back so as to
defend myself and deter such bullying events from occurring again.
You might
be asking, or thinking, how does all of these stories relates with whether or
not to judge a book by its cover? It actually does, because as a silent
observer, I tend to spend more time observing the happenings all around. This
fact alone has allowed me to learn and experience much more than I would have
like about people, about their personalities and about how to be able to at
one’s behavior and attitude where within some time, I’ll be able to roughly
predict how that person is like. And such, is how to judge a book by its cover,
for different personalities will give one different habits and different
behavior, which naturally in time will come to give indications to the sort of
person he or she might be.
Through the
experience (though regretfully limited), I have come to see a few sort of
people.
·
There
are those who absolutely adore attention and will like to show off with their
knowledge, or with what they have, and if there should be any other person with
the same personality, that other person will either be their worst enemy or
their best friends.
·
There
are those who with their natural assets, be it the looks or whatever (you get
my point), and they simply commands attention from most people.
·
There
are those who will naturally step forward to help or volunteer to take charge,
a natural leader.
·
There
are those who like to take charge whenever and wherever they are, be it that he
or she was or was not appointed to be leaders and he/she is absolutely no
leader.
·
There
are those who like to talk a lot, essentially a chatterbox, but being
interesting or annoying strictly is based on personal views.
·
There
are those who just simply cannot sit still (except for those with ADHD or those
who can get hyper on sugar like my friend Xavier, who ran rounds and rounds
around the school after eating a cup of chocolate popcorn) and will constantly
find something to do or a target to disturb.
·
There
are those who like to speak out what their thoughts are out loud, which is
often a problem when they piss off somebody else.
·
There
are those who absolutely dare not go against anyone, anyone can just step all
over like a rag on the ground, those that do not dare or simply do not speak
much.
Anyway, you get the idea, there are so many
different kinds of people, rash people, sarcastic people, backstabbers, people
who make use of you and throw you away once their motive is reached, and
coupled with the different attitudes, these people may be perplexing should you
be targeted.
I’m
speaking from experience, where I once had a friend that was my friend because
my Science results were good and his own results was not as good. He sought to
know how I study, studied with me, discuss matters with me, to the point that
one day, when he exceeded me, he found new friends and that was the end. I was
not very happy about this but did not bother to address it since I did not want
to lose a friend even though he will not be as much of a good friend as he once
is. Being the outspoken and streetwise person he is, in no time he already got
a new good friend that is smarter and he is and yeah I guess history will just
repeat itself as it always will yet again. My mum actually praised him for
being so clever and advised me to do the same so that I’ll be able to advance
further like him. To tell the truth, I was absolutely disgusted, there is no
way I’ll ever be like this! But this was the same event that set me thinking
about people’s personality, and ever since I have been paying more attention
people regarding this matter than my books.
There was
also this person, who had become so spoiled on getting attention and getting
people to do whatever this person wants. Things will never go well should you
be at the receiving end, and more woe will follow since this person is also
outspoken, likes taking charge (since it only means more attention), and also
boot licks just enough, not too much, not too little. Having two person taking
the lead will cause confusion in a team and being spoiled by attention simply
makes it worst and harder to work with. This person is one tough customer and
best to be avoided at all costs since commanding attention would have meant
that you will be facing a heck load of other people that has been encouraged to
go against you, you will also have to bear with all the blunt, awful words in
the face and there is absolutely nothing you can do when the influence sets in.
It’s pretty much a real sad case and even revenge is not advised, since
although it can be done, it also allows this kind of person to find something
to start saying behind your back… There is no one ever that I have seen to be
able to get his/her good friend to feed himself/herself like a maid for a whole
meal, and it is feeding right to the mouth, mind you, and this just shows how
spoiled this kind of person can be.
In any
case, everyone prefers to have a pleasant time in the society so being able to
judge a book by its cover is quite important so first, observation is very
critical as you definitely must be able to identify those that you must not go
against and those that should just remain an acquaintance lest they become a
source of annoyance. Secondly, to act is also very critical. It is important to
build up friendship with people, it is important to stand by your ground on
things that you know you will not tolerate and it is important to be able to
communicate effectively.
How so? To
firmly stand your grounds is to highlight a warning line to what people cannot
cross you on so that it will not come across to people that you are able to
take whatever jokes they might be thinking to play on you, as there is indeed
such a thing as a joke gone too far. It is important to communicate properly,
as how to introduce yourself and how much to reveal to people is a knowledge to
learn. It would just be embarrassing to say too much when the other party only say
so much. Information exchange has to be strictly one for one, or a little bit
more if you want to find something more to talk about and be seen as a friendly
person. To not speak is a no-no as it might even indicate that you do not wish
to associate yourself with others, that you are proud or arrogant or just
plainly look down on people, to speak too much might make people see you as an
annoyance or you might just say the wrong thing with a slip of a tongue.
Therefore in any case, a personal view on things should be kept to yourself
until you are quite sure that you do not speak to a tattletale or a chatterbox
who would sell you out just to see a bit of a scene- make no mistake, there are
definitely this kind of people who like some chaos in the class and does not
care about the means to obtain it.
To show
that you are no pushover and yet is friendly when people treats you right, to
be on good speaking terms with almost everyone, to not shine to bright (be it
good results or a great idea all the time), to be humble, to always repay every
single favor, to be proactive in activities, to be able to think of people, to
stand in their own shoes and not be too caught about yourself only, more or
less a pleasant environment can be set around you, but only if you take action!
Even to be nice to a person, it will do well to be treating everyone the same
way and not be too bias in the treatment. This is called being streetwise, and
it does not mean you are treating yourself as a superior, to view people, to
judge people. It is simply a mean for an introvert to socialize, to know how to
treat people right and avoid trouble.
A complete
observation is simply not really possible for it would have taken too much time
and all of the socialization tips have to be done within two weeks of being in
a new environment. No one can really know how a person is like for sure until
they have known each other for quite some time, so after the initial
observation, just continue to observe, albeit in a much safer position as
unexpected things can turn up. Who knows, if you have been bias in judgment
towards a person, the way you treat this person might have been wrong and will
leave much to regret which by the time might be too late. A good impression
often depends on even the very first time you met someone or in the first two
weeks when you are still getting to know each other so don’t be to rush to
decide, it’ll most definitely be setting the table from where you are going to
be using for the next few years.
I am
writing this guide thingy in hope of being able to relay to people that are
facing these same vexing problems what I have gone through and what I have done
to deter the problems, for isn’t it so that our country thrives by the
deterrence or diplomacy policy? To be clear about this, it is also through
years of observations that I verified that only by taking action can anything
be changed, for being a silent observer is to simply watch all life pass by
while you are all alone, and trust me, it’s not a life worth living if silently
observing stretches on forever. Observe on the go, be careful in all that you
have to do, and to bear in mind the fact that man is genetically born to be
usually only looking on the cold logic of things, and so might not be too alert
and react quickly to what is actually happening, other than what the logic will
ultimately lead to; and woman is genetically born to be very sensitive to
emotions, any word accidentally uttered with the wrong note will trigger a bad
response even if you do not mean it intentionally. These are the ‘survival’
tips that have worked for me, and it is what I offer to any readers so that you
too, can learn how to ‘judge a book by its cover’. (Gosh this sounds old and
cheesy but it just felt right to me so pardon me for that last line :P)
The End!
